This edition of loss(t) convos features Matt Corker, a 30 year old People Consultant, Author, Yoga Instructor, man with a million dollar smile and the most open of hearts.
Matt is a co-founder of The Corker Co. and self-published his first book Getting Over the Rainbow, about his journey from self-doubt to self-love as a gay man in today's world. In his loss(t) convos interview, he tells us about his experience of loss after his Nana had a stroke, and later died. Its deep, as is he. Enjoy! xo R
What is the most significant loss you've endured and what made it so significant?
I would say it was the slow decline, and ultimately the death, of my Nana. She had a series of strokes after my Poppa, her husband, passed away. She was a trooper and hung on for a few more years. Yet the Nana that I grew up with had changed. Her voice was slurred. Her memory was faded. And the confidence she once exuded was strained. She was now in a wheelchair and needed assistance to go about her daily life.
She used to scurry about the kitchen as I sat on the couch giving her an update on the past week. She’d listen and offer her insight. She’d remind me to pray. She’d remind me to not take everything so seriously. She was a pillar of faith in my family.
However, the strokes took her bustle. They took her steadfast guidance. They took that sparkle in her eye.
She was ready to go, yet her body was still hanging on.
“I’m ready to go home” she’d tell us as we sat by her bed.
What have you learned from your loss?
I learned that there is divine timing and then there is chronological timing. Sometimes the love of my life and one of the most important women in my life… don’t get to meet. Chronological timing doesn’t always match divine timing.
I look back on the years I spent with my Nana with only one wish. That my partner got to see and experience my Nana – not the one he met in the hospital. The one who bustled and baked and laughed and volunteered and cried while giving you a hug. She loved us so much that she never wanted to let go.
She and I spent so many great moments together and the only missing piece would have been for her to meet my man. So she could listen to him and offer her insight. So she’d remind him to pray. So she’d remind him to not take everything so seriously. So she’d offer him at least two treats and hug him without wanting to let go.
Still, I learned to be grateful for the part of my life, and the part of her life, that I got to share and experience – rather than wishing it was some other way.
What is your advice for others enduring a similar loss?
Select memories and stories that matter the most and continue to cherish and share them. It is through the constant honouring of my Nana that I remember that her time in the flesh is done, yet her spirit and energy lives on forever.
She will forever be a pillar in my life.
Thanks for the treats Nana.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your light with this world Matt!
If you want to share your story of loss and advice for others, shoot me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.